A trivial pleasure and a serious note.

[grinninfoole]

There is a game called Heroclix, which is little superhero figures beating the crap out of each other. I have played it a few times, and it's OK, but hasn't really grabbed me. However...

they just came out with figures of Dr. Doom and Doombots!
These, I may have to get....


I went to therapy with Diviner today, and we went over her notes of when I started therapy with her, almost exactly five years ago. It was interesting to hear how much had changed, and yet how some issues still remained core one's for me. Apparently, I had self-esteem problems and used humor to compensate. Also, it seems that I felt I should accomplish more than I have, and that I was really afraid of messing up in relationships with friends and especially with lovers.

And I gamed too much. :)

Now... that's not quite me. For one thing, I am struggling with despair as I was then. For another, I am becoming more comfortable about how I read other people, with relaxing with other people, and in accepting myself.

It's almost enough to give a boy some hope, even if I do have some way to go. :)






Oh, and check out the following bizarre site I heard about from Moby's weblog:

http://blackpeopleloveus.com

Comments

[millari.livejournal.com]

And I gamed too much. :)

Well, that's certainly not true anymore, I don't think. :) You barely game at all, these days, by comparison.

I think your self-esteem has improved somewhat. I notice you have got better at acknowledging that a "wasted day" is not the end of the world. You're less extreme about your reactions to your own perceived shortcomings. I think you use the humor less than you used to address your lack of self-esteem. You still do it, certainly, but I don't think nearly as much as you used to.

I'm sorry you still feel that you are struggling with despair. But I'm equally glad to hear much more optimism from you on the prognosis than I have in a long time. Sounds like Diviner really hit upon a good idea in showing you that stuff.

You know, something that just suddenly occurred to me randomly right now is that you have the sleep patterns of someone in the throes of deep depression - insomnia coupled with sleeping very late and a general propensity towards tiredness. I'm not actually saying that I necessarily think you're in deep depression; although you do refer to your feelings as despair.

But from what you've told me these symptoms are related to a combination of natural biorhythms and physical causes. However, I wonder if these things are causing your chemistry to be in a state similar to that of a depressed person, making dissatisfaction feel like despair. You reminded me last night that not sleeping enough makes me feel hopeless about things. Right back at you, babe.

I remember that when I was still married, I often felt bouts of despair that I was going to be fundamentally dissatisfied for the rest of my life. I am only beginning to really come to terms with the idea that I had to take charge of my own life improvement. You are coming to terms with this realization, I think and are considering what it will be like to stop looking to others to fufill your life for you. I really do support that notion, even if I do fall prey to moments of paranoia that it may change how you feel about us. But not to worry, they're only moments ;) And I wouldn't really want you around if your feelings for me changed. What would be the point?

I'm really looking forward to us having a growing partnership that feels like a real partnership, equally vibrant on both sides, equally independent and equally inspirational. I want us to teach each other things, to stretch each other emotionally. For that to happen, both of us need to be making at least some progress at being happy with our own lives.

And as a side note, I'm going to try and work harder on getting a more reasonable amount of sleep. I think I'm a better person to be around when I've had more z's.

Finally, on a lighter note, I loved hearing you get excited about Doom and his Doombots. It made me smile.

[grinninfoole.livejournal.com]

I may indeed be depressed right now, but if so I have a VERY mild case. For one thing, doing fun stuff and socializing actually makes me happy. And I get far more sleep than thee....

[millari.livejournal.com]

Hmmm....do you really? Maybe one or two hours more, I suppose, but I'm not sure that you get much more. Think what time you so often go to bed......

[filthyassistant.livejournal.com]

But please remember how often he curls up with Fiesty and has all his energy drained for a few hours by her eldritch soporific effects...

Re:

[grinninfoole.livejournal.com]

-PURRRRR-

uh?....what?...



-PURRRRRRRRRRRRRR-

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.



-PURRRRRRRRRRRRGIVEMEMORE TUNAPRRRRRRRRRR-

wait....

[millari.livejournal.com]

... are you implying that Feisty is an energy-draining .... succubus????

Re:

[grinninfoole.livejournal.com]

It's not just when you go to bed, it's when you wake up...