(no subject)

So, I don't want to make this into a thing, but I'm quite depressed right now. Lefty, because of sensible concerns about maintaining good work relationships, asked me on Monday to drop out of the Friday D&D game at the store. At first, I thought that this was a personal rejection of me, that he didn't want ME in the game anymore, which was both painful and really seemed to come out of nowhere. Over the next few days I thought about it, decided that it probably wasn't about me so much as about him, and that it was not based in animosity towards me. Talking it over with him yesterday confirmed this, too, so I'm basically cool with this change. And yet...

Yesterday was, therefore, the last time I'll be part of the Friday game. I was sad that it was so abrupt, and sad that things ended (for me) anticlimactically. I'm genuinely upset that I shan't get to play Thrawn ever again, and that the character isn't resolved. I'm OK with not being part of the group anymore, and with having Fridays free for other activities, but I find the idea of someone telling me what Thrawn has been doing actively painful. He's not doing anything, anymore, because I'm not playing him. That's how I feel about it, and it made me actively unhappy as I tried to sleep last night.

Of course, this also tells me that I need to open up my life to other interests, because this is way too much emotional energy to invest in a D&D character. It stems, I think, from my long term love of role-playing, my enjoyment of this game and the social experience of it, and also because, when stressed, fiddling with game mechanics has long been one of my coping mechanisms.

Now it is time to let the past go, and outgrow old habits.