Sucky dreams

[grinninfoole]

I have had two sucky dreams since I became ill two weeks ago, and since everyone else seems to be having nasty subconscious movies, I thought I'd share mine. In the first, I was in Boston in a big train station which somehow had a panoramic view. I watched three mushroom clouds go up around the city, destroying its infrastructure without actually damaging the city itself. That night, we ran the streets in total blackout--no electricity, no moon, no stars, just fires people had started. I had a sword, and I never had to fight anyone, but it was very scary and depressing. In fact, I saw no corpses, no violence, and never had any problems, yet I was constantly aware of the oppressive threat of radioactivity and fallout. Can I drink the water? What can I eat? Then, too, I was hunting around for a non-contaminated source of iodine, since radioactive iodine absorbed into the thyroid glands is one of the fastest and deadliest forms of radioactive poisoning, and can be largely prevented if one floods one's system with safe iodine before the radioactive stuff is ingested.

I don't recall the second dream well, but the bit that really struck me was a sense that I was screwing up my life and my friends and family were all upset with me. It got so bad that my therapist called to tell me that he didn't want me in group anymore. I asked him why, and he told me what my big problems were and how to solve them, but there was static on the line and I couldn't hear him. I asked him to repeat himself, and he did exasperatedly. Again static. I asked him again, pleading the static. He hung up on, saying something like 'that's always your excuse'. That's all I remember, but it sucked more than that. I woke up feeling really awful.

Comments

damn cowardly subconscious

[millari.livejournal.com]

Why can't it just tell you all the insights into your life that it's apparently got for you face to face, instead of hiding behind symbol and nonspecific bad feelings????

You told me about most of this already, but one thing that occurs to me reading about both dreams side by side is: It's interesting to me that in both dreams, both of the obstacles are invisible substances (i.e. the radiation and the static). It's also an interesting connection (though perhaps this is really stretching things) that geiger counters sound a bit like static when they detect radiation.

I'm tempted to dissect more, but I think I would just be inserting my own biases into it, so I'll stop there. Here's hoping you don't have any more sucky dreams for the forseeable future.

Re: damn cowardly subconscious

[grinninfoole.livejournal.com]

Amen. And an interesting point about my 'obstacles'. I am, as you know, dissatisfied with how I am living my life, and I have trouble coming to grips with just what it is the deters me. Very observant.