Yep. Trouble.

[grinninfoole]

So I got a response from F in the wee hours, to which I have myself responded. I post them both below, slightly edited to preserve anonymity. [I must confess, I'm not sure that option 3, below, is incorrect. Nor should my readers rule it out.]

F wrote:

> I don't really want to talk about it at all. As far as I'm concerned there is nothing to talk about. All I expect of you is the following:
>
> 1. You love [Sabbath]. want to be with her more than anything. Did what you did because of that. plan to do the right thing and make a decent woman of her.

> 2. You are a sex addict. Did what you did because of that. Are seeking treatment.

>
> 3. You are an asshole. This is the second time you've done something like this. You acted selfishly and awf ully, and you apologize.
>
> 4. You don't care about me or [Sabbath]. You did what you did out of pure indifference.
>
> As near as I can tell this sums up all of the possiblilities, none of which require any discussion or special understanding on my par t. I must admit a certain curiousity as to which applies.


To which I replied:

It saddens me to see you write with such bitterness. There is lots to talk about if you care about reviving our friendship. Within your four options there is, indeed, l ittle to discuss, but what I am reading here suggests that you are not thinking, but reacting, and that the anger you feel is perhaps prompted by matters which have nothing to do with me. Also, you know nothing of what has transpired between [Sabbath] an d myself except what she herself told you. I don't know how well you listened to her, but I do know that her version of events will have been unreliable. (We both know that what she recalls of a conversation often differs from what the other person understood.) There are other truths here, unknown to you, me or indeed anyone. Ignoring them is not the easy way out, but it is the effortless one. Are you sure you wish to take it? If not, I should be happy to meet with you at a place of your choosing.


p.s. I feel compelled to add that I can't make [Sabbath] anything. She is what she chooses to be, decent or in-, no more or less. You may approve or disapprove as you see fit.›

Comments

[macropixi.livejournal.com]

ignoring choice number three... everyone acts like that sometimes. Ignores the "right" thing to do and instead acts upon their immediate desires. I've done it, Shadow's done it. I know you've done it. That doesn't make you an asshole. It makes you human.

(though this has happened before?)

Thing is, yes you are responsible, but bear in mind the ultimate responsibility lies with (sabbath) and (F). They are the involved parties in the relationship, responsible for making it work and for honoring their vows.

This isn't to take away the seriousness of your actions, but please remember, it was her choice, her decision, and quite possibly had nothing to do with you.

I've done what she's done. No I hadn't taken marriage vows, but that doesn't make what I did any less wrong. and I take full responsibility for my actions, I refused to let Robert blame Shadow. I know that even though Shadow knew I was involved, the ultimate responsibility was mine. I cheated because I wanted to, because I didn't love Rob enough not to, and wasn't a strong enough person to end the relationship before I cheated. I wasn't willing to give up the security of a sure thing, for a maybe.

But I wanted Shadow, and I acted on it. Yes, he could have said no. But I could have made myself unavailable. Instead I kept coming back for more.

So, don't let F heap this all on you.