(no subject)

[grinninfoole]

Sometimes I have a sense that I am in a groove, that I know what the next few steps are in my life, and I am in tune with the world, doing what I want at the proper time.  Other times, like now, I realize that, shit, it's 2 weeks to Xmas and I have done fuck-all to get ready, despite wanting to send cards, get gifts for a bunch of folks, and spruce up the house for when family comes to visit.  I probably have to forget hosting a holiday party this year.  I know that this goes in cycles or waves or some such, but I really hate feeling out of synch with life.  Probably the thing I appreciate most about my job is the routine of it, which makes it easy to get into synch with it, and give my life some structure.

An unrelated note, I just had a weird dream where I was walking in a city and found a switchblade knife lying on the ground.  I picked it up and put it in my pocket.  Then, trying to get home, I took a short cut through someone's house and wound up unable to find a door leading out.  Then someone walked into the room where I dithered, and asked me what I was doing there.  I got very anxious, because I suddenly realized that I was committing a felony (home invasion) and that, for the first time in my life, I had a dangerous weapon in my pocket.   "I just want to go home," I said, as I did, my anxiety woke me up.

Right, now I am off to find the beat of the world.