Idle thinking

[grinninfoole]

I have today off. This is unusual for a Wednesday, because it's new comics day, and I'm usually at Modern Myths getting the new stuff up on the racks and then working the day so Lefty can get stuff done. Today, because it's school vacation week, someone else is working. I did not sleep in, as I had thought I might, though I have just been drowsing very happily with Millari. I got up early, wrote up some gaming-related thinking that had been buzzing in my head for awhile (in hopes of eliminating it as a distraction from school work today), and then went back to bed. I was dozing, with Feisty all warm and furry between my feet, when my cell phone rang. I didn't want to disturb my cat, so I ignored it. When she got up, I checked and it was a message from Lefty. He'd forgotten that I wasn't in today, and he and S were just leaving then to pick up the new comics and the big load of other stuff, and boy it would be handy to have my minivan. I called back to say that they could have it, but they had already left. I went back to dozing.

...and I imagined the following chain of events (some are real): I had recalled yesterday that I had today off and thought vaguely of calling Lefty and reminding him, just in case. Lefty, of course, forgot that I wouldn't be meeting him with my van already loaded with our stuff at the store at 9:30. Lefty then calls me at 9:30 on my cell-phone to ask to borrow my van. Because my cell is in pants (as usual), which are at the foot of my bed (as usual), and because my cat is sleeping on my feet (rare treat) and I don't want to disturb her (as usual), I let it ring. Lefty, in a rush, decides not to call the house phone, which is right by my head and can be answered without jostling any recumbent felines. I call him back after he's already gone. Driving back from the UPS hub in west springfield, in a rush because the store opens at 11, and laden down with several boxes of comics and ten extra cartons of comics storage boxes, Lefty and S hit a patch of ice in the shadow of Mount Tom, left over from last night's snow. The car, overloaded, handles poorly, and drifts out of its lane as they enter the curve and glances off of a semi. Skidding out of control, they die horribly in a bloody, flaming wreck. Puzzled that no one has called me back by now, I drive over to store around noon and start to feel very worried when I find it still closed. I open up, deal with new customers, and start calling the police, fighting down a mounting anxiety that disaster has struck. As I do, I am aware that, had I just answered my phone, had Lefty just tried the other number, none of this would have happened. Such are the paper thin walls of tiny choices that the shape tragedies in our lives.

So, this is pretty fanciful, I know, but I do this all the time. I have never told anyone this. I just felt like sharing. And, you know, I still haven't heard from Lefty. It might be true....




ETA: Ok, Lefty just called. It's just a fantasy.

Comments

[millari.livejournal.com]

Oh, Sweetie. This is your parents' training, I think. When I occasionally think like this, I try to remind myself that the simplest, most mundane possibility is most likely to be true. And so far, it generally has been. In my experience, the worst disasters in my life have happened when I was least expecting them, when in fact, I was completely unreachable and not even thinking about such possibilities.

So the moral of the story is, if you're thinking about it, it 'aint happening. You can relax.

:)

[grinninfoole.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't know that I want to change. I think an awareness of mortality is a good thing. I just wanted to share that I do this all the time. I don't know if anyone really knew that.

But thanks for the reassurance.
:)