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Apr. 3rd, 2012 04:27 amToday was my parents’ wedding anniversary. I went home for the occasion, and my brother and I went to the nursing home where my father is staying and brought him back for the day, the first time he’s been home since Halloween.
I was dreading how it would go, worried it would either feature Dad complaining about everything, or else he would refuse to leave, or both. Happily, neither was the case. Dad was very congenial and good humored. We strolled in the backyard for a time while he pointed out twigs and other debris he wanted cleared off the lawn. He spent some time going through mail and looking at his checkbook, but he didn’t really understand what he was reading. He was not nearly as upset about that as I would have expected.
I made a simple supper, and then he insisted on going back to Meadowview, making sure that we remembered his walker and getting there when we said we would. I should have figured that his desire to control every element in his life would lead Dad to prefer to mastermind the inevitable than to protest futily against it. And he struck me as pleased to get back there, frankly, because it is, at this point, a more familiar setting to him.
My birthday is this weekend. I’m going to do some low key celebrating, mostly by playing games with friends.
I'm still trying to spend time with Grounded. It's difficult because I have many demands on my time, and so does she, and I think she's also deliberately creating some distance. (Which is wise of her; whatever else one might say about our relationship 18 years ago, it certainly disrupted her life. She'd be a fool not to tread carefully.)
I haven't seen her since my last post, so I'm worried I'll get ahead of myself emotionally. I don't know what she really feels about me, or if she feels much of anything for me, at all. Given such infrequent slivers of time with her, I'm trying to keep an even keel and appreciate the moments in their own right.
Still, I think I'm still smitten with her. It's rather like the universe has tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at her, and said 'that one.' So, I am nervous that she doesn't feel much for me. I want her, and I'll be heartbroken if she rejects me (again). Yet, I'm not really scared about that, because I have already survived that once, and I can do it again. Instead, I'm bone-deep terrified that she's falling for me, too, because then... I haven't a clue where the path leads, or how deep the rabbit hole goes. But I still want to find out.
I was dreading how it would go, worried it would either feature Dad complaining about everything, or else he would refuse to leave, or both. Happily, neither was the case. Dad was very congenial and good humored. We strolled in the backyard for a time while he pointed out twigs and other debris he wanted cleared off the lawn. He spent some time going through mail and looking at his checkbook, but he didn’t really understand what he was reading. He was not nearly as upset about that as I would have expected.
I made a simple supper, and then he insisted on going back to Meadowview, making sure that we remembered his walker and getting there when we said we would. I should have figured that his desire to control every element in his life would lead Dad to prefer to mastermind the inevitable than to protest futily against it. And he struck me as pleased to get back there, frankly, because it is, at this point, a more familiar setting to him.
My birthday is this weekend. I’m going to do some low key celebrating, mostly by playing games with friends.
I'm still trying to spend time with Grounded. It's difficult because I have many demands on my time, and so does she, and I think she's also deliberately creating some distance. (Which is wise of her; whatever else one might say about our relationship 18 years ago, it certainly disrupted her life. She'd be a fool not to tread carefully.)
I haven't seen her since my last post, so I'm worried I'll get ahead of myself emotionally. I don't know what she really feels about me, or if she feels much of anything for me, at all. Given such infrequent slivers of time with her, I'm trying to keep an even keel and appreciate the moments in their own right.
Still, I think I'm still smitten with her. It's rather like the universe has tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at her, and said 'that one.' So, I am nervous that she doesn't feel much for me. I want her, and I'll be heartbroken if she rejects me (again). Yet, I'm not really scared about that, because I have already survived that once, and I can do it again. Instead, I'm bone-deep terrified that she's falling for me, too, because then... I haven't a clue where the path leads, or how deep the rabbit hole goes. But I still want to find out.
