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OK. Now what?
Aug. 3rd, 2010 02:45 amM has been gone for a couple of weeks, and will be away for another three. Life more on my own (though I don't have the house entirely to myself) has been OK. I have managed to more or less cover the basics of bills, chores, shopping, etc. I'm basically getting my work done. I'm still getting some exercise.
I find, though, that at odd moments I get angry over little things, often because they suddenly seem tiresome. At other times, I'll find myself just stopping and staring–not at anything in particular, but at whatever happens to be in front of me. Or, when no one else is around, I feel my face just become expressionless, my eyelids heavy, and I wonder, since I can do anything, what I want to do.
I believe that I'm experiencing a mild depression. It's a logical reaction to splitting up with a wonderful long-term partner, and a self-conception that has been a polestar when I thought about my future.
Other folks have it harder, of course: one friend is in a mental hospital right now, the farm where we get our meat share just had their house burn down, another person I know just buried her lover following his suicide, and none of us, I think, are strangers to painful breakups. Still, it's definitely harder to care about, and thus deal with, my life just now.
Several friends have offered support and sympathy (which I greatly appreciate), so all that's really lacking is for me to decide what I want from life, and then start pursuing it. The first step is making time to reflect, which is simple, yet I haven't done much of it. (Though this post is at least a gesture towards it.)
Next step for a grown up life: deciding what I think is worth doing with my time.
I find, though, that at odd moments I get angry over little things, often because they suddenly seem tiresome. At other times, I'll find myself just stopping and staring–not at anything in particular, but at whatever happens to be in front of me. Or, when no one else is around, I feel my face just become expressionless, my eyelids heavy, and I wonder, since I can do anything, what I want to do.
I believe that I'm experiencing a mild depression. It's a logical reaction to splitting up with a wonderful long-term partner, and a self-conception that has been a polestar when I thought about my future.
Other folks have it harder, of course: one friend is in a mental hospital right now, the farm where we get our meat share just had their house burn down, another person I know just buried her lover following his suicide, and none of us, I think, are strangers to painful breakups. Still, it's definitely harder to care about, and thus deal with, my life just now.
Several friends have offered support and sympathy (which I greatly appreciate), so all that's really lacking is for me to decide what I want from life, and then start pursuing it. The first step is making time to reflect, which is simple, yet I haven't done much of it. (Though this post is at least a gesture towards it.)
Next step for a grown up life: deciding what I think is worth doing with my time.
