Yep. Trouble.

So I got a response from F in the wee hours, to which I have myself responded. I post them both below, slightly edited to preserve anonymity. [I must confess, I'm not sure that option 3, below, is incorrect. Nor should my readers rule it out.]

F wrote:

> I don't really want to talk about it at all. As far as I'm concerned there is nothing to talk about. All I expect of you is the following:
>
> 1. You love [Sabbath]. want to be with her more than anything. Did what you did because of that. plan to do the right thing and make a decent woman of her.

> 2. You are a sex addict. Did what you did because of that. Are seeking treatment.

>
> 3. You are an asshole. This is the second time you've done something like this. You acted selfishly and awf ully, and you apologize.
>
> 4. You don't care about me or [Sabbath]. You did what you did out of pure indifference.
>
> As near as I can tell this sums up all of the possiblilities, none of which require any discussion or special understanding on my par t. I must admit a certain curiousity as to which applies.


To which I replied:

It saddens me to see you write with such bitterness. There is lots to talk about if you care about reviving our friendship. Within your four options there is, indeed, l ittle to discuss, but what I am reading here suggests that you are not thinking, but reacting, and that the anger you feel is perhaps prompted by matters which have nothing to do with me. Also, you know nothing of what has transpired between [Sabbath] an d myself except what she herself told you. I don't know how well you listened to her, but I do know that her version of events will have been unreliable. (We both know that what she recalls of a conversation often differs from what the other person understood.) There are other truths here, unknown to you, me or indeed anyone. Ignoring them is not the easy way out, but it is the effortless one. Are you sure you wish to take it? If not, I should be happy to meet with you at a place of your choosing.


p.s. I feel compelled to add that I can't make [Sabbath] anything. She is what she chooses to be, decent or in-, no more or less. You may approve or disapprove as you see fit.›

More trouble

And this is his reply to my reply. It seems fair, and it's good to get his side, though it's very painful to read. I am considering my response.


Bitterness?!? You had sex with my wife, you asshole. I actually think the whole thing is
quite comical. I can't believe the lofty pillars from which you write. In the world I live
in, any conversation regarding these facts begins with something like, "I'm sorry I fucked
your wife." and continues with, "I'm sorry about all the sexual innuendo I played out in
front of you. It was cruel to act as if any of this was some kind of game." and finishes
with, "It was disingenuous of me to call you on the phone and feign interest in your
problems, when I, in fact, was one of them. I'm so so sorry for hurting you." [Sabbath] and
I are fine about it. I don't know if we are going to stay together, but that has nothing to
do with what happened between you guys. Can't you see that when you put your hands all over
her when I was around, or when you alluded to you g uys sleeping together jokingly, how
unbelievably bad that makes me feel in retrospect. It was a hateful way to behave. There is
nothing else I'm interested in understanding. No offense, but it's none of my business.

So, you see, you are indeed the on ly sticking point with this whole thing. If you aren't
sorry for any of this behavior, then I don't see what we have to talk about. I simply can't
believe that I've now gotten three emails from you without any kind of apology. It's fucking
bizarre. At this point, it would feel so hollow, just having to drag it out of you. I'm not
sure at what point I could accept regrets so given. Maybe in a year or something, you can be
a little more stand-up about this whole mess.››