I'm really glad that you had a good time at the P&P Festival and that it went well. I'm struck by how you know so many people in this field nowadays, but I do not see you hanging out with them more? Is that because you don't know them *that* well? Is it because you're too busy with work? If none of those things are getting in the way, you should connect with them more! /my .02
Anyway, it sounds like it was a lovely success, and I'm sure that you'll contribute even more next year to its planning.
Depression is such a hard disease to nail down. All the people I've known with it have gone back and forth wondering the same things - is this real? How do I know I have depression? Am I just being lame? It's the mind-body split in our culture, that doesn't want to believe that there isn't happening in your mind that you can't control with just a little bit more willpower. And while yes, there's something to be said to giving yourself structure and goals to strive for when you're battling a mental illness, denying it all isn't the same thing.
I think you're doing good things by trying some medicine and seeing if it helps. But I guess we have to keep in mind that it won't be the be-all, end-all solution in a bottle. Depression is a real biological condition, but it is triggered by events and by the environment you are surrounded with, and so the best thing you can do is to make your environment conducive to helping you succeed. If you have no reason to get out of bed, for example, you won't get out of bed when you're depressed. Work has been giving you that reason, and while I think you're a little overworked at the moment, I think it's good that it's there. I think seeing friends could be another reason to get going when you're not working. Also, making time to write in your journal like this is good too. Or maybe in a paper journal. But schedule it so that it happens and doesn't become one more thing in your life that your brain determines that you are failing at. Also, if you can afford it, I'd suggest making time for escapist fun - like D&D planning or writing, or whatever floats your boat, but do it somewhere out of the house. Go to a cafe or the library or something, so that it's less likely to become this stick you beat yourself up with later about how you wasted time and zoned out, etc. It's so much easier to interpret these kinds of rejuvenating activities as a waste of time when you do them at home because doing them at home somehow makes them feel less real for you, I think, like it's just lazing around the house being unproductive. I think doing these fun things (which are good to do because they charge your batteries for the less fun stuff) somewhere out in the world feel automatically more okay because you're combining them with being out in the world, which feels automatically like you're doing something productive. ;)
Anyway, I've kind of spammed your journal with this. But think about it and talk to me if there's stuff I can do to help with the environmental part at home. I don't mean to make things sound all easy as pie, but I know from the one experience I had when I think I flirted with something akin to a depressive episode, staying home with no responsibilities was kind of the worst thing for me. It made me sink into myself more and sit in the same room all day, looking at the internet and not even bothering to turn on the light when the sun set and it got dark. I was doing kind of a half-assed job when I was working during that period, but really, in retrospect I can see that it was much better than the alternative.
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Date: 2011-04-17 02:39 pm (UTC)/my .02
Anyway, it sounds like it was a lovely success, and I'm sure that you'll contribute even more next year to its planning.
Depression is such a hard disease to nail down. All the people I've known with it have gone back and forth wondering the same things - is this real? How do I know I have depression? Am I just being lame? It's the mind-body split in our culture, that doesn't want to believe that there isn't happening in your mind that you can't control with just a little bit more willpower. And while yes, there's something to be said to giving yourself structure and goals to strive for when you're battling a mental illness, denying it all isn't the same thing.
I think you're doing good things by trying some medicine and seeing if it helps. But I guess we have to keep in mind that it won't be the be-all, end-all solution in a bottle. Depression is a real biological condition, but it is triggered by events and by the environment you are surrounded with, and so the best thing you can do is to make your environment conducive to helping you succeed. If you have no reason to get out of bed, for example, you won't get out of bed when you're depressed. Work has been giving you that reason, and while I think you're a little overworked at the moment, I think it's good that it's there. I think seeing friends could be another reason to get going when you're not working. Also, making time to write in your journal like this is good too. Or maybe in a paper journal. But schedule it so that it happens and doesn't become one more thing in your life that your brain determines that you are failing at. Also, if you can afford it, I'd suggest making time for escapist fun - like D&D planning or writing, or whatever floats your boat, but do it somewhere out of the house. Go to a cafe or the library or something, so that it's less likely to become this stick you beat yourself up with later about how you wasted time and zoned out, etc. It's so much easier to interpret these kinds of rejuvenating activities as a waste of time when you do them at home because doing them at home somehow makes them feel less real for you, I think, like it's just lazing around the house being unproductive. I think doing these fun things (which are good to do because they charge your batteries for the less fun stuff) somewhere out in the world feel automatically more okay because you're combining them with being out in the world, which feels automatically like you're doing something productive. ;)
Anyway, I've kind of spammed your journal with this. But think about it and talk to me if there's stuff I can do to help with the environmental part at home. I don't mean to make things sound all easy as pie, but I know from the one experience I had when I think I flirted with something akin to a depressive episode, staying home with no responsibilities was kind of the worst thing for me. It made me sink into myself more and sit in the same room all day, looking at the internet and not even bothering to turn on the light when the sun set and it got dark. I was doing kind of a half-assed job when I was working during that period, but really, in retrospect I can see that it was much better than the alternative.