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grinninfooleThis past week has been eventful. Millari has returned from her long sojourn in Germany. It is good that she's back, but it has made it clear that our long relationship is moving into the past. I hope that we shall still be able to coexist in such intimately shared space.
The tipping point for me was noticing that she wasn't wearing her ring anymore, and her telling me she hasn't for more than a month. I took mine off the next day, and while my hand still misses it, our marriage is done, and the ring is just a relic now, alas.
Of course, life is full of complications. In this case, I left work early on Wednesday to pick M up in Boston, and we were to then join my family for dinner. After that, I planned to tell them the sad news. I didn't, however, because while we getting ready to leave the restaurant my father started blacking out, and collapsed. We called an ambulance, and I rode with him to Lawrence General. The doctors determined that his heart rate was dipping to below 40 beats a minute (with accompanying plummeting blood pressure.) I was there until midnight checking him in.
On Thursday, his cardiologist decided that there was no proximate cause, just old age, so we decided simply to treat the symptom, and on Friday afternoon they put a pacemaker in my dad's chest. This should eliminate the low heart rate problem for good, and I hope that it will perk him up more generally. He's been terribly forgetful and weak of late, and if this heart problem has been around for long, it could account for all that. I hope so.
Some upsides: I dealt with a serious family crisis OK (mom and brother wanted me to take point, and I did), I was able to spend a few hours talking about real stuff with my Dad (without once having a bitter argument, which was lovely), Dad seemed to genuinely appreciate my presence, and I told mom and brother about some concerns I had for how they were doing and how our family will operate in the next health crisis and that I'm willing to help if they tell me what they want/need.
Downsides: my Dad remains caught up in his own problems, and thus a huge pain in the ass for everyone trying to help him. The rest of my family were frankly relieved to be rid of him for a couple of days. I completely understand this, of course; it's why I moved out 18 years ago. Still, I feel badly for my Dad being literally obsessed with his own shit to the exclusion of everyone else, and for my mom and brother for putting up with that nonsense.
Other downside: I still haven't told mom about Millari and I splitting up. Millari was an absolute rock through all this, and I am deeply grateful for her help. Mom will be miserable when I tell her, and I am loathe to add to her woes.
The tipping point for me was noticing that she wasn't wearing her ring anymore, and her telling me she hasn't for more than a month. I took mine off the next day, and while my hand still misses it, our marriage is done, and the ring is just a relic now, alas.
Of course, life is full of complications. In this case, I left work early on Wednesday to pick M up in Boston, and we were to then join my family for dinner. After that, I planned to tell them the sad news. I didn't, however, because while we getting ready to leave the restaurant my father started blacking out, and collapsed. We called an ambulance, and I rode with him to Lawrence General. The doctors determined that his heart rate was dipping to below 40 beats a minute (with accompanying plummeting blood pressure.) I was there until midnight checking him in.
On Thursday, his cardiologist decided that there was no proximate cause, just old age, so we decided simply to treat the symptom, and on Friday afternoon they put a pacemaker in my dad's chest. This should eliminate the low heart rate problem for good, and I hope that it will perk him up more generally. He's been terribly forgetful and weak of late, and if this heart problem has been around for long, it could account for all that. I hope so.
Some upsides: I dealt with a serious family crisis OK (mom and brother wanted me to take point, and I did), I was able to spend a few hours talking about real stuff with my Dad (without once having a bitter argument, which was lovely), Dad seemed to genuinely appreciate my presence, and I told mom and brother about some concerns I had for how they were doing and how our family will operate in the next health crisis and that I'm willing to help if they tell me what they want/need.
Downsides: my Dad remains caught up in his own problems, and thus a huge pain in the ass for everyone trying to help him. The rest of my family were frankly relieved to be rid of him for a couple of days. I completely understand this, of course; it's why I moved out 18 years ago. Still, I feel badly for my Dad being literally obsessed with his own shit to the exclusion of everyone else, and for my mom and brother for putting up with that nonsense.
Other downside: I still haven't told mom about Millari and I splitting up. Millari was an absolute rock through all this, and I am deeply grateful for her help. Mom will be miserable when I tell her, and I am loathe to add to her woes.
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no subject
Date: 2010-08-30 07:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-30 11:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-30 10:48 pm (UTC)You hang in there with the terrible parents. My mother is being deeply bothered by her mother getting older and starting to be quite intolerable, so I can feel your pain. I'm afraid the only solution I see is to try and be patient, as hard as it may be. They just don't become more reasonable as they get older. But maybe you'll come up with a better solution, and I'm sure you'll handle it well.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-31 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-31 06:40 am (UTC)Millari was an absolute rock through all this, and I am deeply grateful for her help.
You were there for me all those months my mom was in the hospital and when she died. I will never forget that. No gratitude for my help necessary. :)
no subject
Date: 2010-08-31 06:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-31 06:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-31 06:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-31 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-31 06:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-31 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-31 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-03 04:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-20 03:48 pm (UTC)I hope you and your M are thriving in the coolest city on earth.