Important decisions
Aug. 9th, 2006 12:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grinninfooleSince my friend's wedding two weeks ago, I have worked quite a bit at the store. On the 25th, we remodeled, adding the new front counter we ordered, as well as the new, improved back issue bins, and moved all the bookshelves around. We have more shelf space, and we had to find new ways to fit everything in the space by the register... and do all this while Lefty was quite seriously ill. As a result, I worked two extra (long) days, enough to qualify for overtime.
August has found me finally getting around to mundane tasks that I deferred while we were accomplishing life goals and fufilling special commitments, though I have made no time for writing at all, yet. I have, however, made some important decisions. First, at work: Vince is going to UMass full time in the fall, so we're going to have to hire someone else who can work Wednesdays. In discussing how to fill the gap, Lefty talked about wanting to hire someone full-time but only if they would be willing to manage a store and commit to the business for at least five years. And, I thought , for the first time in over a year, about what it would mean for me to do that. And I realized that, as a married man with a home, who wants very much to be an self-sufficient and responsible for himself and yet not get stuck in a job that I hate, that I am interested in working full-time and learning how to manage a comic book store. So Millari and I had a long talk about it over dinner, and I became more firmly convinced that it would be a financially, emotionally, and professionally satisfying thing to do. So, I told Lefty that I was making that commitment that night at the store meeting. Which, of course, doesn't solve the immediate problem of finding a third person to work new comics day, but I feel good about long term.
The two challenges I shall face in carrying through are: 1) I don't want to fall into my father's pattern of defining myself primarily through my work. Selling art is a good job, but if I allow that to be all that I am, I shall be a poor person, indeed. Thus, I need to maintain good mental boundaries, and make time for millari and other things, too. Like writing. If J. K. Rowling could churn out the first HP book while a working single mom, I can make time for myshit art. 2) There are other things I want to do with my life I don't think I can fit around an eventual managing job, so some day I'll want to leave and do them. (Teach, for example.) However, I don't want fall into my own pattern of avoiding commitment, and not following through on this job. I have said that I'm in, and that means that I'm in, even if it means that other life choices are therefore out. And I'll be OK with that.
Related to this, the following day I met with Diviner, my long-term personal therapist, and in the course of talking about my wedding, and where I am in my life, I realized that I had accomplished all the goals that had brought me to meet with her back in '97. I am married, happy, self-sufficient, and able to cope with life as an adult. I still have problems, but I know what my lingering issues are, I know how to work on them (for now, at least), and I don't feel like I need someone else to guide me through it anymore. So, without planning it, that turned out to be my last session, perhaps forever. It was abrupt, but it felt right.
That got me thinking further, and so, come October, I'll be ending with the Tuesday night therapy group I started back in 2002. Again, I still have to grow as a person, but I believe that I have learned much from the group, and that it's time to move on and try something new. And dropping group means that I can work Tuesday nights. This also feels right, but is a bit scarier. I joined the group because I felt that I needed to come to grips with my feelings in a new way once Millari and I started dating, and she confessed that she felt a certain fondness for the group, since it helped convince that I was serious about her and our relationship.
And that's the big news for me. Now, it's late, and there's new comics to get tomorrow. But Feisty is lying against my leg and washing here on the big couch, and M is writing a story inspired by me, so life is good. And tomorrow, after work, I'll write in the evening, and plan some happenings for this Friday's game, as the great flood hits Laudan.
August has found me finally getting around to mundane tasks that I deferred while we were accomplishing life goals and fufilling special commitments, though I have made no time for writing at all, yet. I have, however, made some important decisions. First, at work: Vince is going to UMass full time in the fall, so we're going to have to hire someone else who can work Wednesdays. In discussing how to fill the gap, Lefty talked about wanting to hire someone full-time but only if they would be willing to manage a store and commit to the business for at least five years. And, I thought , for the first time in over a year, about what it would mean for me to do that. And I realized that, as a married man with a home, who wants very much to be an self-sufficient and responsible for himself and yet not get stuck in a job that I hate, that I am interested in working full-time and learning how to manage a comic book store. So Millari and I had a long talk about it over dinner, and I became more firmly convinced that it would be a financially, emotionally, and professionally satisfying thing to do. So, I told Lefty that I was making that commitment that night at the store meeting. Which, of course, doesn't solve the immediate problem of finding a third person to work new comics day, but I feel good about long term.
The two challenges I shall face in carrying through are: 1) I don't want to fall into my father's pattern of defining myself primarily through my work. Selling art is a good job, but if I allow that to be all that I am, I shall be a poor person, indeed. Thus, I need to maintain good mental boundaries, and make time for millari and other things, too. Like writing. If J. K. Rowling could churn out the first HP book while a working single mom, I can make time for my
Related to this, the following day I met with Diviner, my long-term personal therapist, and in the course of talking about my wedding, and where I am in my life, I realized that I had accomplished all the goals that had brought me to meet with her back in '97. I am married, happy, self-sufficient, and able to cope with life as an adult. I still have problems, but I know what my lingering issues are, I know how to work on them (for now, at least), and I don't feel like I need someone else to guide me through it anymore. So, without planning it, that turned out to be my last session, perhaps forever. It was abrupt, but it felt right.
That got me thinking further, and so, come October, I'll be ending with the Tuesday night therapy group I started back in 2002. Again, I still have to grow as a person, but I believe that I have learned much from the group, and that it's time to move on and try something new. And dropping group means that I can work Tuesday nights. This also feels right, but is a bit scarier. I joined the group because I felt that I needed to come to grips with my feelings in a new way once Millari and I started dating, and she confessed that she felt a certain fondness for the group, since it helped convince that I was serious about her and our relationship.
And that's the big news for me. Now, it's late, and there's new comics to get tomorrow. But Feisty is lying against my leg and washing here on the big couch, and M is writing a story inspired by me, so life is good. And tomorrow, after work, I'll write in the evening, and plan some happenings for this Friday's game, as the great flood hits Laudan.
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no subject
Date: 2006-08-09 11:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-09 12:09 pm (UTC)good for you - i know your gonna make it, and you'll be happy doing it :-)