Aug. 24th, 2015

3:42 PM

Aug. 24th, 2015 07:52 am
grinninfoole: (strangelove)
That's the time at which [livejournal.com profile] mole_underfield breathed his last, this past Monday. I was sitting there with him, chatting with an old friend about his earliest memories of my brother, and then I realized that that Dave was completely still. I can't wrap my brain around that simple fact. Is there not some other room where my brother breathes still? Perhaps in another part of the house that I've somehow lost? When I find it, won't he be in there, reading quietly, or perhaps painting flowers?

Mom tells me, and Dave would nod, that he was truly happy when I was born, and loved to just sit with me, content, even delighted, by my simple presence. Forty-five years together, and I still don't understand him. I look at pictures and I can't fathom what he's thinking, why he's smiling. Then, today, a friend and her beau looked at my profile on a dating site, and explained that I was doing it all wrong, and that I'd never find anyone like that. I need to be more assertive and confident, they say, and explain to any woman reading it why she should want to meet me. They found each other on that site, doing what they tell me to do, so they might be right, but I don't want to make all those changes. I'm so scared of promoting myself like that that I feel hollowed out with dread.

Isn't it odd that I feel so alien from my brother? We're exactly alike.

Profile

grinninfoole: (Default)
grinninfoole

July 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031     

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 09:08 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios